Contagion

I have struggled with self-worth and self-esteem for much of my life. I've come to understand in recent years that this is not a character flaw as I have previously thought, but rather a personality trait that has driven me to overcome adversity in unique ways. I think this is why I listen to the music I do and write the music that I do, because it speaks from a dark, helpless place but forges with aggression a will to rise up and overcome. Written in three parts, Contagion outlines three internal dialogues: confrontation with myself in the mirror, first person self-narrative, & third person self-reflection with the last line being an invitation extended to others.

photo by Max Chavez

Your ugliness is contagious

I get sick when I see your face

You’re a huge disappointment

Your weak attempt at love is a disgrace

Your shallow heart now lies blackened

Your feeble lies destroy my dignity

Self-respect has been shaken

You gave to me eternal misery

Man, this river is filthy

Disease embedded deep in open wounds

Parasitic infection

Courses through my blood of quickening doom

Damn, this air is constrictive

I keep choking in this darkening room

Inhaling promises broken

Gasping for one single breath of truth

Your fruit no longer tastes pleasing

Bitterness infesting you like a whore

In every bite there are maggots

You’re rotten from your skin into your core

You can’t stand tall when you’re broken

It doesn’t fool me when you try to smile

I know what lurks deep inside you

Step inside of me and die for a while

by Derek Herzberg